Voltaire and Kant answer the question:
“Who let the dogs out?”
V: If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him. Therefore, because there are dogs, and they are out, someone or something must have let them out. Therefore, we must act as though there is a God [a greater, dog-letting-out force].
K: Humans should act in accordance with the principle of the “universalizability test.” When considering an action, think of a world wherein that action is committed by every person under similar circumstances. If this maxim seems good and reasonable, the controlling maxim holds as valid. This philosophy remains true whether or not an active agent (God) let the dogs out. Therefore, it is useful to allow the idea of God to help guide humans towards moral behavior. The corruptions involved in organizational/ unnatural aspects of dog shows and dog bakeries, however, make rituals such as religion potential perversions of God and morality.
Thomas Hobbes answers the question:
“Why do we scream at each other? (This is what it sounds like when doves cry.)” And also, coincidentally: “Wouldn’t it be nice to live together in the kind of world where we belong?”
Man’s life in a state of nature is nasty, brutish, and short. Without government, man finds himself in a position of constant struggle and violence to assert his rights against the rights of others. The primary goals of man under these conditions are competition, diffidence, and glory. That is to say, man engages in conflict for personal gain, then safety, and then an aggrandizement of reputation. In short, just like our mothers and their mothers before them, when removed from society, we are “never satisfied.”
In order to alleviate this violence, men form commonwealths, sacrificing individual freedom to ensure mutual safety. A monarchy is the most efficacious form of commonwealth because the power of a leader comes from the prosperity of his people. If a monarch were to become “too demanding” the commonwealth would not be able to sustain itself. We scream at each other when our appetites come into conflict with others’ desires. To keep the peace, we must enter into agreements with our fellow man for the benefit of the masses. Only through this process may we avoid living alone in a world that’s so cold (a world that’s so cold). Wouldn’t it be nice?