Maynard James Keenan is now writing a bi-weekly column for Phoenix New Times

From Blabbermouth:

Maynard James Keenan, the singer for TOOL, A PERFECT CIRCLE and PUSCIFER, recently agreed to write a bi-weekly column for Phoenix New Times’ “Up On The Sun” blog.

In his debut piece, titled “These Are The “End of Days”, the musician discusses his winemaking and offers offering advice to those who believe in the Mayan calendar’s promise of a 2012 apocalypse.

Keenan writes, “The inherent problem with being a Chicken Little-type person is that if or when the sky ever falls, I’ll be too flattened to snip ‘See? I told ya so!’ And although I live near Sedona, I possess no crystal ball, and any Tarot cards I may have owned have certainly all been shredded in the spokes of my long retired banana seat Huffy.”

He continues, “These are in fact the ‘End of Days’ and people need to know about it As Soon As Possible! Obviously the only rational thing to do is to clear out all of your bank accounts and send me a cashier’s check for the full amount … along with that cashiers check, I’m gonna need [for] you to go ahead and send along a detailed list of all your assets, toys, deeds, to any real estate, patents pending, etc. Please include high resolution photos. I can’t be bothered to Google image each and every one of them. Not enough time.”