Diplo Has the Best Backstage Rider

From Pitchfork:

Backstage riders, which outline an artist’s demands when playing a show, can be revealing. It appears Diplo used a recent one to let his humorous side shine. The New York Post’s infamous Page Six column has run a piece on his outlandish requests for a December 30 show at Manhattan’s Pier 94. (And we confirmed that it is, indeed, real.) It doesn’t include whiskey or hummus or whatever else it is that bands typically ask for nowadays. Oh no.

Non-required, but greatly appreciated, items to be available at the request of the ARTIST or their personnel immediately following soundcheck:
Two (2) Air Horns
Two (2) Inflatable Animals (Bonus points for endangered or extinct species)
Four (4) Blank Maxell Cassettes (New in Package)
One (1) Paddle Swimmin’ Pool
1983 G.I. Joe Storm Shadow Action Figure (New in Package)
One (1) Framed Picture of Diplo
One (1) Gorilla (Silverback is preferred, an Orangutan is also acceptable)
Ten (10) Magnum Condoms
One (1) Malawian Orphan
One (1) Arranged Marriage
One (1) Original Nintendo in the box (with receipt from Kiddy City)
One (1) Violin Player (to play while we eat our cheese plate)
Two (2) Matches and Lighter Fluid
One (1) Bonfire Pit
Two (2) Logs to sit on
Third season of Lost (on VHS tapes)
One (1) Parrot that is trained to say your name
One (1) dart board (with Nicolas Cage’s face on it)
Short Wave Radio
1983 Yak Face Star Wars Return of the Jedi Action Figure (New in Package)