Incredible HULK Provocations or “131 Ways to make Dr. David Banner angry”

From Kenneth Johnson:

1. Problems with flat tire
2. Nightmare
3. Thinking about either of his wives
4. Cut off from somebody in danger who needs his help
5. Being hit over the head repeatedly with a metal object
6. Having his cure destroyed
7. Quicksand
8. Being mauled by a bear
9. Being bit by a dog
10. Being placed in a car compactor
11. Being punched out and thrown down a flight of stairs
12. Being punched out and thrown over a balcony
13. Being punched out, period
14. Being buried in a sand pit
15. Having a row of computers fall on him
16. Being hit with a blast of steam in the face while trying to turn off the nuclear
reactor that is melting down
17. Receiving a lethal injection, and then having the person say, “Oh. I just gave
you a lethal injection. Sorry, David.”
18. Dropping a C02 cannister on his foot after being insulted
19. Being pushed down a mountainside by a bigfoot impersonator
20. Dealing with a pesky operator in a phone booth (“I DON’T HAVE TWENTY-FIVE
CENTS!!!”)
21. Getting into a car crash
22. Having a burning 2×4 fall on his head while trying to get the horse out of the
burning barn
23. Being trampled by a crowd AND having the hot coffee spilled on his hand
while trying to get to the sniper
24. Being tied up and fed soup by an elderly Japanese woman who doesn’t
understand words like “You’ve GOT to cut me loose!”
25. Grabbing the pipe that is below freezing temperature
26. Falling through a rickety staircase while trying to get to the drunk girl who is
about to jump off the roof, and then finding that she’s locked the rooftop door
27. Trying to get out of the basement cage while handcuffed to a chair only to fall
over a stack of boxed bottles and have them all fall on him
28. Being placed in a dumpster by the two garbagemen who think he’s a thief,
and who don’t believe him when he says “Hey! There are rats in here!”, and then
being bitten by the rats to add injury to insult
29. Having two mean football players snap wet towels at him and shove him into
the steam room which they have turned on to full blast
30. Being trapped inside a football stadium drunk tank while his friend is in
danger, and THEN having one of the drunks hit him over the head with a metal
object
31. Being caught taking photos of toughs committing monkey business in the
restaurant, and then being beaten up and thrown under a table
32. Getting his jacket caught in the printwheels at the newspaper printing room,
and then inexplicably sticking his hand into the rollers
33. Yelled at by a mean cop, and then having mace sprayed in his face by same
mean cop
34. Handcuffed to a woman who is falling over the cliff
35. Having a large wooden beam fall on him, and then having a heavy boulder fall
on the beam
36. Somehow running into a bear trap
37. Beaten up and placed on a car going through a car wash, and then being
dragged under the car
38. Placed in a small room with a ravenous black panther
39. Somehow locking himself in an old, dark basement, and then nearly
electrocuting himself (really has to be seen to be believed)
40. Falling into the churning water of a boathouse, and then inexplicably being
repeatedly carried over the paddlewheel (this one is stranger than 39)
41. Being trapped in the middle of a forest fire
42. Listening to ultrasonics
43. Attempting to turn off the boiling hot water for the waxmaker, only to have
the faucet break off in his hand and scald him, and then inexplicably slipping and
rolling around in same boiling hot water
44. Kicking over a beehive and then being surprised when the bees are mad at
him
45. Being beaten up and thrown down a well
46. Having his friend tell the New York “syndicate” that David has their money,
so that their enforcers chase David back to his apartment, and then having all his
neighbors close their doors on him rather than listen to him saying “Please!
You’ve GOT to let me in!!!”, and then being beaten up and thrown over the
balcony into the smelly trash cans by same enforcers
47. Being stuck in a cab in New York rush hour traffic – “You don’t understand, I
have to be there by 4:00!” – “Hey, mac, it’s rush hour, we ain’t gettin’ there til five,
so relax.” – “BUT I HAVE TO BE THERE BY FOUR!!!”
48. Helping Ray Walston out with a magic trick by allowing himself to be chained
up and put in a tank of water, only to find that drunk Ray has forgotten to leave
the escape key inside the tank
49. Beaten up and locked in a car trunk
50. Receiving a speeding ticket

Continue reading the rest of the story on Kenneth Johnson’s blog