From Neil Young’s Tumblr. It’s him, right? It has to be him….maybe:
I woke up to an enormous CRACK!
Cortez shot up and was fluttering all around, the boat nearly capsized. A massive, hulking ship had crashed into the boat. I looked over and Tom was gone. It was just me and Cortez.
All of a sudden, a rope ladder dropped down and two men came down with it. They did not look like the friendly type.
They were scruffy, beat up lookin’ guys with striped britches and vests with no shirts underneath. GULP. These guys looked like pirates.
Unsure of what to say I yelled “Are you guys pirates! Is this a pirate ship?! I come in peace!”
Come on Neil! Be cool!
The taller man just snarled “This here is The Amerigo. You’re comin’ aboard landlubber. We report all our castaways to Cap’n Smith. She’ll decide what to do with ya.” He spit with every word. The Amerigo? I thought. That sounds familiar. And this must be the “she” Tom was tellin’ me about!
It was then I noticed Cortez had taken off. Looks like it was just yours truly.
I managed to grab the compass, when then the men shoved me up the ladder and I landed on all fours on the deck. This was a pirate ship alright. There were men just like my captors all around doing various chores and activities. I looked above and there was the classic black flag with skull and crossbones. Except, one of the bones was a guitar. That was weird.
One of the guys who pulled me up shouted “STAND UP FOR CAP’N SMITH!”
I sure did as I was told. No point crossin’ pirates I thought!
All the men’s eyes were on the door to what looked like led to the Captain’s quarters. One of the men stamped their foot three times, and the door opened.
Not gonna lie squirrels! I was pretty nervous! This reminds me of the time I met Pegi’s parents. I was sweating bullets that night! Sheesh! Love ya Pegi!
Anyway, before I knew it a figure walked out of that door that I couldn’t have been happier to see.
“Neil Young! My brave and worthy companion! Is it you?!”
In utter shock and disbelief, I watched as none other than Patti Smith strode towards me and gave me an incredibly warm embrace!
Shit! Patti Smith is a pirate captain! Ha! Cap’n Smith! It all makes sense now!
I’m not gonna like squirrels, Patti looked so cool! She had a long flowing burgundy pirate jacket on with knee high black boots and a white ruffled pirate shirt. She had a huge black pirate’s hat with all kinds of trinkets and jewelry in her raggedy black hair, and even more jewelry; and some animal bones adorned her wrists.
Finally, on her shoulder was a beautiful red parrot with a little pirate hat on! Far out!
“Neil, what were you doing in the middle of the ocean?” Patti asked me, her huge joyous smile spread across her face.
“I have no idea Patti! Or should I say Cap’n Smith!” I chuckled.
“It was me, Tom Waits, and Ol’ Cortez my raven in a boat and that’s all I know. Don’t know where Tom or Cortez went off to.”
Patti’s smile disappeared.
“Tom Waits was with you?” She asked nervously.
“Well yeah Pat! He’s only my dream guide! Anything wrong with Tom I need to know about?” I said to her.
“Oh no! Neil, no, nothing like that…it’s just..when Tom Waits is around…it usually means something big is gonna happen soon.” She said to me.
Hell, she wasn’t wrong about that.
Just then Cortez came swooping down. A-ha!
“Cortez! I was wondering when you’d turn up!” I shouted, he put his beak to my cheek.
At that, Patti’s parrot started squawking all crazy like.
“Gloria! Cut that out! It’s just Cortez! He’s friendly!” Patti said to her bird.
“Gloria? It’s a girl!?” I said.
Cortez started fluttering as well.
“Ha! Looks like our birds might have a thing for each other!” I said.
Cortez! You rascal! Ha! What a great bird.
Patti and I both laughed. The entire crew joined in and our birds both flew off together.
“Neil, I’m in need of a first mate. You mind coming into my quarters so we can talk about things?” Patti said.
“Sure thing Cap’n! I said, and we walked into her quarters.