The Greatest Craigslist Musician Ad

From Bobby Owskinki’s Big Picture Blog:

Those bass players. They secretly control the music world. There’s never enough of them, and you can never find one when you need one, since what few of them that exist are always working.

That’s the untold secret of the music business – if you want to be a working musician, become a bass player. You may not get enough respect, but sometimes you can name your price.

To illustrate the point, here’s an ad that appeared in the Nashville Craiglist listings from a bass player looking for work. He has plenty of demands, and he’ll probably get them, as laughable as they are.

Bass Player Available NOW (Nashville (only))Bass player available for PAYING GIGS ONLY. I play G, C, D. If your
songs are not in G, please transpose them into G. If your song has an
Em or Bm or anything off the wall I will probably sit out that chord.
Or I could learn those notes for $30 each. If you want me to do fancy
stuff like go back and forth between G and D while you hold a G chord,
forget it because I’m a “pocket” player.
Minimum $100 per gig within a 5 mile radius of 37204. $5 per mile travel
charge for other areas out of town.
Please make sure your gigs are on a Metro Nashville bus route, or you can
pick me up at my place. Must be home by 11 pm due to previous legal hassles.
No gigs within 500 yards of schools, parks, or playgrounds.