35 of James Gandolfini’s best lines from ‘The Sopranos’

The further the years removed James Gandolfini was from The Sopranos, the more it seemed the audience presented him with fame for his role. More than any other actor in the last decade or so, James acted more comfortable in the career-defining role and never shied away from other films and television shows portraying a mob man. He died Wednesday at the far-too-young age of 51, leaving behind some of the greatest lines in TV history.


It’s too bad they don’t have a telethon for fuckface-itis, huh? They find a cure yet?

You leave Comley Trucking and every other fucking item on this planet that belongs to my uncle Junior, including his hemorrhoid donut, the fuck alone.

You don’t shit where you eat. And you really don’t shit where I eat.

I didn’t just meet you, I’ve known you my whole fucking life!

I won’t pay. I know too much about extortion.

[Responding to a proposed prostate exam] Hey, I don’t even let anyone wag their finger in my face.

Well, when you’re married, you’ll understand the importance of fresh produce.

The warranty on his death certificate expired two weeks ago. Your bullshit expired along with it!

Hey, the language! Do you blow your father with that mouth?

The things I take pleasure in, I can’t do.

I am living in the moral Never Never Land with this patient. Not wanting to judge but to treat. But now I’ve judged. I took a position, goddamn it, and I am scared.

I’m like King Midas in reverse. Everything I touch turns to shit.

What fucking kind of human being am I, if my own mother wants me dead?

Everyday’s a gift, but does it have to be a pair of socks?

Let me tell ya something. Nowadays, everybody’s gotta go to shrinks, and counselors, and go on Sally Jessy Raphael and talk about their problems. What happened to Gary Cooper? The strong, silent type. That was an American. He wasn’t in touch with his feelings. He just did what he had to do. See, what they didn’t know was once they got Gary Cooper in touch with his feelings that they wouldn’t be able to shut him up! And then it’s dysfunction this, and dysfunction that, and dysfunction vaffancul!

There’s an old Italian saying: you fuck up once, you lose two teeth.

Log off. That ‘cookies’ sh-t makes me nervous.

A wrong decision is better than indecision.

If you can quote the rules, then you can obey them.

‘Remember when’ is the lowest form of conversation.

This is gonna sound stupid, but I saw at one point that our mothers are … bus drivers. No, they are the bus. See, they’re the vehicle that gets us here. They drop us off and go on their way. They continue on their journey. And the problem is that we keep tryin’ to get back on the bus, instead of just lettin’ it go.

Oh, poor baby. What do you want, a Whitman’s Sampler?

All due respect, you got no fuckin’ idea what it’s like to be Number One. Every decision you make affects every facet of every other fuckin’ thing. It’s too much to deal with almost. And in the end you’re completely alone with it all.

The only reason I did this is because you’re my nephew, and I love you. If it were anybody else, they would’ve gotten that intervention through the back of their fucking head.

What use is an unloaded gun?

I find I have to be the sad clown: laughing on the outside, crying on the inside.

It’s good to be in something from the ground floor. I came too late for that and I know. But lately, I’m getting the feeling that I came in at the end. The best is over.

Those who want respect, give respect.

If you can quote the rules, then you can obey them.

There’s an old Italian saying: you fuck up once, you lose two teeth.

My father was in it. My uncle was in it. Maybe I was too lazy to think for myself.

This psychiatry shit, apparently what you’re feeling is not what you’re feeling and what you’re not feeling is your real agenda.

Cunnilingus and psychiatry brought us to this.

[On Chicken Soup for the Soul] You should read Tomato Sauce for your Ass. It’s the Italian version.