Morrissey’s Autobiography: 5 funniest bits

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Morrissey’s autobiography has been released as an Penguin Classic, and it just might be that, as you’ll see from the 5 best bits.

On personal style:
By Tuesday we are at the Montreux Festival in Switzerland, where I can’t relax because my hair is far too long.

On the Ramones:

Now I could accept all the suffering that came my way as long as the Ramones were in the world. Singer Joey looked as if he had been murdered in a hospital bed. I’ve found my twin.

On meeting David Bowie:
At midday he emerges from a black Mercedes, every inch the eighth dimension, teetering on high heels, with all the wisdom of our ancestors. Smiling keenly, he accepts the note of a dull schoolboy whose overblown soul is more ablaze than the school blazer he wears, and thus I touch the hand of this inexplicably liberating reformer; he, a Wildean visionary about to re-mold England, and I, a spectacle of suffering in a blue school uniform.

On shopping:
The morning after the Whistle Test, I present 50 pence at Rumbelows in Stretford Precinct and I ask for the New York Dolls single.
“See,” said one fat assistant to another, “I told you someone would buy it.”
At last I am someone!

Could I now tell reality what to do? Should versus could? Would I continue to take no responsibility for my own life? Is the safe way the only way?
… Merging forces meet, and I, too deep to be rescued, sing. Against the command of everyone I had ever known, I sing! My mouth meets the microphone and the tremolo quaver eats the room with acceptable pitch and … I am removed from the lifelong definition of others, and their opinions matter no more. I am singing the truth by myself, which might also be the truth of others … and give me a whole life … let the voice speak up for once and for all …
“Make a joyful noise until the Lord…”
It works! A chest voice of light baritone, and all is ours.