The Two Greatest Segments Of The Daily Show Are Not What You Think

…or maybe they are. Jon Stewart is signing off as host of “The Daily Show” tonight, and I’m going to miss him terribly. While I’ve spent many a nights taughing at him “sitting in the back of the country and making jokes,” he was spot-on more times in a week than most hosts are in a year. You can always, always have time for Jon Stewart.

“They said get back to work, but there were no jobs available for a man in a fetal position under his desk crying.”

“I have one job and it’s a pretty simple job. I come in the morning and I look at the news and I make jokes about it — but I didn’t do my job today. I got nothing for you.”