In a recent interview with Sportsnet, Toronto Blue Jays pitcher J.A. Happ, who is American, was asked the innocent question: “Is there anything you’re still not used to in Canada?”
Here is the entire exchange. You’ll want to read it twice. It’s much funnier if you read it outloud, or in the voice of Noel Gallagher.
“Is there anything you’re still not used to in Canada?”
“I think I’ve gotten used to most of the stuff. Grocery shopping is a little different. I still don’t understand the bagged-milk situation here.”
“You guys sell milk in bags, and I don’t really get why, or what you do then with the bags. Other than that it seems like Canada’s doing a pretty good job. [Laughs.] But I don’t get the milk. Put it in a gallon jug so you don’t have the sloppy, messy bag.”
“You know you put the bag in a milk jug, right?”
“Where’s the jug? Do you have to buy the jug separately? Why are they not in the jug already?”
“Oh my gosh. You have to ask someone at the grocery store for help.”
“Why do I have to ask? I should just grab it from the counter and it should be ready for me to drink.”
“There’s an assumption that you know to put the bag in a milk jug and cut it open.
“[Laughs]. They can’t assume that. I’ve never bought it because I see this bag of milk, and I’m like I don’t get what I can do with this thing.”
“J.A., I can’t believe this.”
“[Laughs.] We need a memo sent out to all American players on how Canada dispenses its milk. Would you prefer to have a gallon of milk or a bag or milk? You can pick up a gallon and walk out of the store. Or you can try to figure out how to drink your bagged milk.”
“I think I have to bring you a milk jug.”
“That would be great.”