The greatest Craiglist ad for a band you’ll ever see

Reach for the stars, I suppose. You never know who should be lucky enough to work with this Nashville-based band already with “fenominal” songs. If you have a “Metro gnome click” and access to weed, I’d go for it. That studio better start counting their money now.

We have an exceptional band and all of us are extremely talented. We are probably some of the best musicians you’ve ever heard. Our band is ready to go places. We have written several fenominal songs that we know are going to be big hits. And they sound even better when you are high. We just need help getting them in front of people. Unfortunately, we don’t have much money. We are hoping to find a recording studio that is willing to record us for free. (See below for details) We know we will be selling a lot of CD’s and downloads once people get hooked on our great songs. We’re looking for a studio who hungry for success because Our project could put your studio on the map.

We are going to ask a lot from you but we are going to faithfully promote your studio at every turn and we won’t even charge you much for an extra-large ad on our CD.

Do you want to risk passing up this opportunity and forever regret it? If it helps we can pay you from the sales of our CD’s and downloads. We promise you’ll make more this way anyhow.

What we can do for you:

1. We will give you 1% of the profits. This may not sound like a lot until you do the math. We figure there’s about 300 million people in the USA (not counting other countries). We figure that a minimum market of 1% is 3 million sales at $1.00 a song you have 3 million dollars. At 1% is $30,000. These numbers are fairly conservative since this doesn’t included people buying more than one songs. So we’re sure this is far more than you normally get to record a CD. Remember we have to leave room for the record label when we get signed,

2. Everyone will know you as the studio that recorded the “Golden Boys”. Let’s face reality hear in Nashville there are many studios that need to set themselves apart to stay in business. You should be happy we are willing to work with you. (Email us for an application to be considered) This is the opportunity of a lifetime for one lucky studio. When you see the big picture hopefully you can see how much we are helping you by letting you record us.

3. We are willing sell you an ad for your studio on our CD at a reduced price as well.

4. Having us in your portfoliage will get you a lot more business.

5. We will let you take photos of us at your studio for no extra charge. We’ll even autograph a few for you.

Studio Requirements:

1. Your studio has to be a real professional studio (No home studio pretenders)
2. You have to be able to record live drums (and Amps) and have a great kit with professional level cymbels.
3. We only want to use top of the line gear so you must have great equipment. We’ve heard about Newman and Tellerfunker mics and those would be acceptable to us.
4. Studio must be able to put sublimnal messages into the songs for us. (We know this will help sell the music.)
4. We want Flexible hours because we sometimes like to work until after midnight.
5. We’re hoping you will be able to have lots of food on hand as we don’t work as well on empty stomaches. (Some beer would also be nice.)
6. We need a studio that is 420 friendly and maybe even willing to supply some to help give our creativity a boost. (It will shorten the amount of studio time needed so it’s a good investment for you.)
7. We don’t want reporters their without prior notice. We will allow one day for the press to be present.

We have 12 songs but it won’t take us long to record them because we are great musicians which will lower your investment. Once your ready to go we can probably nail them one time through like most profeshional recording artists. We are willing to use a metro gnome click if it helps you but we don’t need one because our drummer keeps perfect time already. We know all the time is spent on the mixing and we are willing to help you with that. We can give you advice on how everything should sound. We do need you to make us loud! Also, Our guitar player would like to be in charge of mixing the songs to make sure you do it right. He says you need to compress everything a lot to get it real loud and need to totally remove 500 hurtz from everything. He says mixing is so easy anyone can do it as long as you run everything through the magnimizer with the “dither” and “tube” settings on. I just know I want a lot of echo reverb and that cool ultratune effect on my voice.

We don’t mind asking for these things because we know you will eventually be paid very well. Plus we will keep coming back to you no matter how famous we get.

When we go platinum and win a Grammy you’ll be happy you recorded us. You’ll have more business than you can handle.

Please email us to apply for your chance to record us.

See it here.