So you want to work with someone—an artist, a writer, a producer, a podcaster, a fellow genius—and you don’t want to come off like a desperate rookie in someone’s DMs.
Reaching out can feel awkward, but it doesn’t have to be. In fact, research in social psychology says most people like being asked to collaborate, especially when it’s framed well. People consistently underestimate how much others appreciate their outreach—even cold outreach.
So go ahead. Be bold. Be kind. And don’t be weird. Here’s how.
1. Be clear and specific.
Don’t just say “Wanna collab?” Say what you admire about their work, why you think this collaboration fits, and what you’re proposing. People can’t say yes if they don’t know what they’re saying yes to.
2. Keep it short.
No one wants to open a novel on a Tuesday morning. Aim for 3–5 sentences max in your first message. Think tweet, not TED Talk.
3. Name drop (gently).
If you have mutuals or shared communities, mention them—briefly. Research shows people are more likely to respond when they feel a sense of familiarity or social proof.
4. Offer value.
It’s not just “Here’s what I need.” It’s “Here’s what I bring.” Even if you’re newer or less experienced, your energy, vision, or audience might be exactly what they’re looking for.
5. Choose the right channel.
If someone has a website contact form, use it. If they’re super active on Instagram but not Twitter, go where they are. Respect the format—they probably set it up that way for a reason.
6. Be a fan, not a stan.
Flattery works, but don’t overdo it. A little admiration builds connection. A full paragraph about how their last EP “changed your DNA” is, um, a lot.
7. Don’t apologize for existing.
Skip the “Sorry to bother you” and “I know I’m a nobody.” Be polite, not pitiful. People want to work with people who believe in what they’re doing.
8. Time it well.
Don’t pitch during their album drop week, or right after a major tour announcement. A little awareness goes a long way—and might earn you a reply instead of a ghost.
9. If they say no, don’t spiral.
Most no’s aren’t personal. They’re about time, energy, or fit. Research shows people respect persistence when it’s gracious. Thank them, stay connected, and try again down the road if it feels right.
10. Follow up once—nicely.
If you haven’t heard back in a week or two, a friendly nudge is okay. Think: “Just circling back in case this got buried. No worries if it’s not the right time!” That’s human. Not weird.
The worst part of reaching out is usually in your head. Fear of rejection, impostor syndrome, and “what if they think I’m weird” are just protective stories your brain tells you. Neuroscience says novelty and vulnerability can lead to stronger social bonds—and collaborations often start with a risk.
So hit send. Be kind. Be clear. Be a little brave.
And remember: even The Beatles had to make the first call once.